Live another day. Regret some more...And get over that too..

 

  

(photos from pinterest)

Sorry for the extreme absence. I'm taking advantage of my much-needed alone time.

Well folks. Lately...

• I’ve attended Krishna’s despedida party as she’s moving to UK. Everyone brought something to contribute to the already large amount of food and drinks, and as soon as we were done setting up, we just sat and ate and talked and laughed. It was exactly as I had hoped it would be.
• A few nights ago, I got to facetime my barkadas who I have not seen in 12 (!) years. I dont know how it is possible, but the entire night I just felt like I was back at 20, because not much has changed. Everyone is still as chill as I remember them. and picking up where we left off was one of the most gratifying and surreal experiences ever.
• Reconnecting with my Ateneo friends thru fb gc, picking apart the lessons life has taught us. And oh we’re planning the yearly reunion. Yay!
• After long time of being stuck in bed, overthinking and doing nothing, I finally listen to my own advise. Don’t stress yourself out just do what feels right and for me at the moment it’s a 20 min exercising again-just enough to break a sweat. Take note that moving your body for mental health is not about weight loss, it’s just about feeling better and having more energy.
• Weekly sessions with my therapist and taking my meds too. I have turned to Setral for a little help, so I end up somewhat breezing through my days without the risk of feeling too much.

 These days...

• Such a relief to be able to breathe out after all this time and energy spent on all things negative. I realized how lost I had been in the past months after my huge breakup drama.
• I am more aware of the true meaning of friendship. Sometimes I wonder, do we sometimes not realize that those we claim to love the most, are those we also hurt the most?
• Too often do we waste time on the unimportant. We judge others when we feel judged, we jump to conclusions, we accuse each other of things our own paranoia fuels us to think, we say things that cannot be un-said, we neglect those who need us, we turn our backs on those in pain, we scrutinize, patronize and take each other for granted.
• You learn to be humble when you crash and have to pick yourself up off the ground. You learn when you are exhausted and you lash out and you ask yourself questions, the why, the how, the why me? I asked myself, why was I blaming others for my pain? Why was I not taking responsibility for how I was feeling? Was I being ignorant and expecting too much from others who might be suffering as much or even more than I already was? I felt like a child, nitpicking on details and over analyzing life, thinking I knew more than I really did and I thought, I'm pretty sure someone has felt the same kind of despair I am feeling, because of something I did to them. We are all born hypocrites, we can’t help it, we don't know any better, but maybe if I was aware of what I was putting out there, I could stop myself before I inflict any more pain on anyone - especially if I don't mean to.
• I have lost so many loved ones this year, too many, and many around me have lost their loved ones and it makes me wonder: have we told them how much we loved them before we lost them, or were there unresolved issues that could have been fixed? I never want to have to ask myself that question again. And so no matter what happens, and even if I get hurt in the end, I will always, always tell people how I feel about them.
• When you love someone, tell them. You might never get a chance to do so again.
• When you are angry, express yourself. Write a letter, speak to friends. But don't accuse blindly, don't let your insecurities get the best of you. You might make a mistake you can never undo again.
• When you are sad, don't be afraid of it. Emotions are what make us human, and happy or sad, we should never deny ourselves what we are feeling.
• Cry. It cleanses the soul.
• Write. Even if it’s only to yourself.
• Don't take anything for granted. Nothing in life is permanent. Don't wait until you lose something or someone before you realize how much it/they meant to you.
• Stop judging others for their mistakes. Work on correcting yours.
• Enjoy what you have and share it. Everything in life is even better when you can share it with someone, anyone.
• Forgive those who have wronged you. If you harbor grudges, you are only hurting yourself… To all those that have forgiven me, thank you. I am extremely grateful and humbled that you were able to see beyond my mistakes.
• To those I need to forgive, I'll get there. This I promise. I don't hate you. I am disappointed, yes. Hurt, yes. Confused, yes. Give me time, but eventually, you will find me offering my hand to help you up when you least expect it.
• Laugh. Even if this means indulging in a corny spoof Netflix series or fb reels or getting drunk and laughing with your friends. It’s the ultimate band aid for the heart.
• Be honest. With others and yourself. The truth might hurt for now, but a lie can ruin your life.
• Dream. Dream big. And don't ever let anyone convince you that you can’t have what you dream to have. Only you know that. You have to believe you can achieve something, or you might as well stop dreaming altogether.
• Don't take anything too seriously. Everything will pass eventually.
• Love your family. Blood is thicker than water and they will love you even when the whole world turns their back on you.
• And lastly, and most importantly, learn to love yourself.

Sending all my love and good vibrations to everyone who is in need of a hug xoxoxoxo